If you don't like a total complaining post, ignore this.

For some reason I am still a bit upset about my birthday... and what spurred this was that my aunt gave my boyfriend a birthday card with $20 and I hadn't gotten anything. So I'm feeling a bit put out... I didn't even get to have a party... we went to my grandma's for my birthday/her birthday, but because Matt's parents set up a tax date that day we ended up leaving at 2:30 because I drove because Matt can't afford 25 mpg. And so I was jipped a party. Matt still hasn't gotten me anything either, though he tried. He just couldn't find anything that screamed my name. His mom had gotten me something a week after my birthday because she forgot.
My friends at school are too poor, but [link] buys me food sometimes and Juan-taco bought me and her cookies for our birthdays. But nothing from my relatives, except mom/dad and Aunt Betsy and my grandparents in Hawaii. I have a lot of relatives. And I only got two e-mails for my birthday, one being a friend from TN and the other was my grandma. No one called either. And so on my birthday I spent the morning and some of the afternoon crying because my friend died and it just sucked....
The next week my parents took me to Red Lobster and I took Matt to Mimi's Cafe with my birthday check from my grandparents in Hawaii.
I know I should be glad that it wasn't worse, but I really feel like crap that my own aunt would give not me, but my boyfriend a card and money! It wouldn't be so bad, but she remembered HIS birthday not mine! Me, related by blood...
I know Matt's so much more awesome than me, but still....

why do I suck so much? I've been sick for over a month now and nothing they give me works. The last antibiotic they gave me royally screwed up my digestive tract that I stopped on thursday and I'm still feeling a bit of it.
And without my allergy shots, it feels like my allergies are becoming overbearing and making my sinus infection even worse, which does not help with work...
and I'm still a bit upset about tuesday... I had my first papsmear by an evil mean male doctor who did not listen when I was crying and yelling at him to stop
So I filed a formal complaint against him. But what made it even so much more worse was that Matt was supposed to have met me down there for it, you know, to protect me against this kind of thing! But he forgot!!! And had his phone on silent!
As soon as he realized it, it was too late. He met me in Rancho for dinner even though he had already eaten as well because he felt so horribly. Of course I've forgiven him, it's just that feeling of being without a portector is still there. I bet if Matt had been there he woulda punched the doc.
The doc's excuse was that he wanted to get it done and over with as soon as he could and he sure acomplished that!

So I'm just having a bunch of held up emotions boiling up getting ready for another break down... meanwhile I'm completely broke and I need gas. and food. this sucks. I don't want to ask anyone for money... I'm supposed to be self reliant! unfortunately, college students are never that self reliant. which completely sucks.
I get paid wednesday, so I can hold out till then.

If anyone made it down this far, I appreciate it.

kamiiyu out.